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Sex Jokes

I'm a practising heterosexual, but bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

After making love, I said to my girl: "Was it good for you too?" She said: "I don't think this was good for anybody!"

I love the lines men use to get us into bed. "Please, I'll only put it in for a minute." What am I, a microwave?

You know the worst thing about oral sex? The view.

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

If it weren't for pick-pocketers, I'd have no sex life at all.

Wife: "Why don't you ever callout my name when we're making love?" ! Husband: "Because I don't want to wake you."

We got new advice as to what motivated men to walk upright: to free his hands for masturbation.

A man said to his wife: "Honey, what do you say that tonight we change positions?" "OK," she said. "You stand by the ironing board and I'll lie on the sofa and watch TV."

Why don't women blink during foreplay? -There isn't time.

Husband: "Want a quickie?" Wife: "As opposed to what?"

Why is sex like a game of bridge? -You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.

Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you get between the right man and the right woman.

I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

What do hookers do on their night off: type?

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.

A man went into a store to buy some condoms. "That's 1 dollar 15 plus tax," said the store assistant. "I don't need tacks," said the man. "It'll stay up all by itself."

He says, "Come on, honey. I can't remember the last time we made love." She says, "Well I can -and that's why we're not."

When a man and woman are trying to have sex, he will often climax before she is ready. Sometimes he will climax before she is, technically, in the room.

I always thought music was more important than sex. Then I thought if I don't hear a concert for a year and a half it doesn't bother me.

A hard man is good to find.
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